I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
