john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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