oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
