i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
