sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
