should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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