i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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