My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We have started to decorate penises.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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