my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
