I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
