Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
