Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
