So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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