I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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