Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Randomize
