Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
