I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
