I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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