id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
