dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
