I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize