But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
