i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
