Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
