im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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