I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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