We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
