Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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