Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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