ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
