Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
