i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
