worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize