I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
