What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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