and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
