I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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