He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
