this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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