What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
