She said her name was "party"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dick very happy bro
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
