her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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