I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We have started to decorate penises.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
