Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
