hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
