I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize