...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
