the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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