seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
