my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
