Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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