She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
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there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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