How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
