I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize