i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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