i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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