so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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