Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
