i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
