he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
