We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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