btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
