just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
