Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
