Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
