You can't special order awesome
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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