Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
