did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
