i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
