weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i need an iv and a liver transplant
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
