What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
