Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
