it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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