I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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